Super Bowl 51 Guys Winners & Losers

The Big Game™ has finally concluded, so now we get to take an entire week dissecting the game. The talking heads on television get ask the all important question, “did the Patriots win the game or did the Falcons lose the game?” while sports writers can update there ‘Top 10 Super Bowl Moments’ with Edelman’s catch. And of course Sharon from accounting will ask why the game didn’t keep going with time left after James Whites overtime touchdown. The same Sharon who talked your ear off all season about how her and her boyfriends fantasy team is the best in the league and how they’re league champions two years running.

So now it is time to breakdown Guys Winners and Losers for Super Bowl 51.

Winner

Mr. Clean

The folks at Procter & Gamble finally decided to take that next step with Mr. Clean and sexualize the Howie Mandel figure for 2017, stealing every housewife across the country.

Loser

Social media not realizing how overtime works

Most certainly the same people who talk during the game then are very silent during the commercials.

Loser

George H.W. Bush coin toss

Hey America, clean it up! bscorensenman is here and he isn’t happy one bit!

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Winner

Goodell getting booed to the fucking moon

Love or hate Pats, seeing Goodell getting put on a poster during the biggest stage of his entire product was a fascinating sight to see.

Loser

Julio Jones not having a clutch quarterback

Julio will and always will be a freak (he ran a 4.39 40 and a 135 in. broad jump if you weren’t aware) but it won’t help when the Falcons go back to 7-9 seasons and finishing tied for first in the NFC south since the NFC south makes zero sense.

Loser

Mark Wahlberg leaving early entering the 4th quarter cause he was 100% had Pats -3 (although kind of a winner cause he covered)

Wahlberg defiantly had Pats -3. Nothing worse than betting on a game that doesn’t even stay close from the start. And you sit there acting like nothing is wrong, when deep inside your ready to break your coffee table in half and then you snap at the next person who speaks to you, “yes I’ll do the laundry just give me a damn second!”

Winner

Charts

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Super-Bowl-pornhub.jpg

Big night for chart guys. Super Bowl just seems to be a big night for charts to get retweeted in your timeline and Super Bowl 51 was no different. Whether it’s a chart telling you the Patriots had zero shot of winning down 25 in the second half or telling who how many people jerked off that night, it was a good night for some charts.

Courtesy FoxSports.com PornHub.com(SFW)

 

That about does it friends. A year of darkness and football-less weekends is upon us while Sundays have just become a whole lot worse when not only are you hungover from last night but don’t have a good excuse to keep drinking and eating like shit with no more football to watch. Now we have to fight out the rest of February and make it to March Madness. See you at the finish line boys.

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