UFO Sightings Are At An All Time High


Sam Monfort– The National UFO Reporting Center (NUFORC) is “dedicated to the collection and dissemination of objective UFO data,” and keeps careful logs of all UFO sightings worldwide. This post is restricted to 20th century encounters: a total of 104,947 events since 1905.

Sightings are at an all-time high!

One of the first recorded UFO sightings comes from Portland in 1905 (of course, seeing UFOs before it was cool), where a “buzzing,” sphere-shaped UFO descended from the clouds. Other shapes began cropping up later, with Saucers dominating the scene until the 1990s, when mysterious lights became the most popular…

…In fact, people in the USA report about 2500 sightings per 10M, a number almost 300 times greater than the global median.

There are three codes I live by when it comes to putting my trust into other humans:

  1. Never trust a person who doesn’t love dogs
  2. Never trust a person who doesn’t believe in ghosts
  3. Never trust a person who doesn’t believe in aliens

These 3 codes are what I keep close to the chest when deciding whether or not you can start some sort of friendship/relationship with another person. I’ve actually been in a position were I stopped talking to a chick at a bar because she said she hated dogs. That is Loonyville 101 type of shit that you have to stay away from.

Anyways, aliens are making their move and we are sitting ducks with zero plan to counter attack. You think our government has a plan? The first thing they will do once those green men come down on this planet is hop into the aliens pods and blast off back up to Mars with them as they give the rest of the planet a nice middle finger as Earth gets invaded.  So it is down to us as citizens and band together.

In order to do that we are going to need an ambassador to speak for the people, and I have a few suggestions:

Tim Tebow


I don’t think Tebow even believes in aliens (breaking code number 3) but that could make him a sneaky great ambassador for us. Tell him they are sick Philippine children looking for a way to find God in themselves and he’ll take those Martians right under his wing. Show them the ropes of God than those martians will leave this planet with a bible under one hand and the 4th quarter clutch gene in their DNA.

Guy Fieri


This is an easy one. Guy can introduce these Martains to Flavor Town USA, hit up a Jimmy Buffett concert along the way, a few dive bars serving dollar Coors Lights and then finish the night by passing out on the coach with a full plate of Dominos on their bloated guts. If those aliens won’t be convinced to be at peace with mankind after a day out with Guy, then I don’t know what else they could possibly want.


Gary Busey


This is if we are really feeling on the edge. Two things will either happen. The aliens and Busey will hit it off from the start and we will have a new reality TV show on E! called “Busey and the Martians” or Busey will try wrestling one of the aliens and they’ll vaporize him and the rest of Earth into smithereens. No middle ground between the two.

Some other ones I would suggest as well would be Pete Carroll so he could get his hands on all the conspiracy theories he could imagine and Marshawn Lynch because him and the aliens would be a content explosion. The aliens are coming sooner or later folks, now we just have to prepare ourselves.


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